sometimes i wonder, will i find someone who i really love and that person will love me just as much? so that my pain and sorrow can be ease by her. someone who can just talk to me when i needed someone the most...

Dicen que por las noches

They say that every night

no más se le iba en puro llorar;

he was wholly overtaken by tears;

dicen que no comía, no más se le iba en puro tomar.

They say he never ate, but only drank

Juran que el mismo cielo

They swear that even the heavens

se estremecía al oír su llanto,

trembled to hear his wail,

cómo sufrió por ella,

he suffered for her so,

que hasta en su muerte la fue llamando:

that even in death, he never stopped calling for her:

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay cantaba,

“Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay,” he sang,

ay, ay, ay, ay, ay gemía,

“Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay,” he howled,

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay cantaba,

“Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay,” he sang,

de pasión mortal moría.

tormented by a fatal passion.

Que una paloma triste, muy de mañana le va a cantar, a la casita sola

They say that in early morning a sad dove sings to the little empty house

con sus puertitas de par en par; juran que esa paloma

with its wide open little doors. They swear that the dove

no es otra cosa más que su alma,

is none other than his spirit,

que todavía espera a que regrese la desdichada.

hoping still for the return, of the ill-fated woman

Cucurrucucú paloma, cucurrucucú no llores.

“Coo… coo…” Dove, ”Coo… coo…” don’t weep.

Las piedras jamás, paloma, ¿qué van a saber de amores?

What will these stones ever know, little dove, of love?

Cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú,

“Coo… coo… coo… coo…

cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú,

“Coo… coo… coo… coo…

cucurrucucú, paloma, ya no le llores.

Little dove, do not weep anymore.

I send a thousand dove to search for you my love

In the spring, the northern doves return to me,

Cucurrucucú, Cucurrucucú,

We cannot find her in the north, please do not loose hope.

I send a thousand dove to search for you my love

In the summer, the southern doves return to me,

Cucurrucucú, Cucurrucucú,

We cannot find her in the south, please do not loose hope.

I send a thousand dove to search for you my love,

In the autumn, the western doves return to me,

Cucurrucucú, Cucurrucucú,

We cannot find her in the east, please do not loose hope.

I send a thousand dove to search for you my love,

In the winter, the eastern doves return to me,

Cucurrucucú, Cucurrucucú,

We have found her tears in frozen in ice,

And I cried.

I keep her tears as near to my heart so I can feel that I am closer to her than to myself

This must be one of the worst days in my life... gosh, such a bleak future I'm having...

Gaaa.... I hate myself so much right now... Because I keep on hurting myself and God... I'm just seperating my connection with him... I need Jesus to be by my side. But I think the staggering amount of sins I've done just seem to severe my connection with Him. Gosh... I feel so lost now... My college apparently gave me an offer letter to Diploma in Electronics which is not the subject I've chosen for, but it is the A Level Program that I wanted. I hope God can give me a small hope that it is an error that they have given to me. If God decides that I will not be accepted into the A Levels program, I shall strive to my another way. Sigh, I don't know what I want. And I don't know what to do. Can't just God tell me directly what is my path and what I should do?

I feel so angry that I can't overcome this sin, its like a drug and I think I extremely addicted to it. Gosh... Living is so hard. I wish I can just close my eyes and have the world stopping with me.

If I can't go into the A Level Program, then I have to study it in my hometown then. Though there are benefits and problems, therefore there is balance haizzz....