This must be one of the worst days in my life... gosh, such a bleak future I'm having...

Gaaa.... I hate myself so much right now... Because I keep on hurting myself and God... I'm just seperating my connection with him... I need Jesus to be by my side. But I think the staggering amount of sins I've done just seem to severe my connection with Him. Gosh... I feel so lost now... My college apparently gave me an offer letter to Diploma in Electronics which is not the subject I've chosen for, but it is the A Level Program that I wanted. I hope God can give me a small hope that it is an error that they have given to me. If God decides that I will not be accepted into the A Levels program, I shall strive to my another way. Sigh, I don't know what I want. And I don't know what to do. Can't just God tell me directly what is my path and what I should do?

I feel so angry that I can't overcome this sin, its like a drug and I think I extremely addicted to it. Gosh... Living is so hard. I wish I can just close my eyes and have the world stopping with me.

If I can't go into the A Level Program, then I have to study it in my hometown then. Though there are benefits and problems, therefore there is balance haizzz....