last post of the year...

Hope to find a gf yey!
Hope to be more Christ like and to fulfil his given duty to me
Hope to ...

i wish i can dream forever into my own fantasy

i wish i can find some1 or any1 to actually care about me

this sucks.... when you tell your friend happy birthday and your friend doesnt give a shyt to you.
I thought I wont regret saying happy bday to my friend. But now im regretting it. The feeling sucks when you always help that friend but in the end you get an asshole scent from you friend. I think I should erase this kind of useless shyt asshole people from my world. Just be neautral to them. IT SUCK!!!

my bday. The only people who actually wished me happy bday was my friend from KL and my sister from Korea other than that, NONE!!! it seemed to me that this world doesnt actually give a shyt to me.

my only true and real companion, God, Music, Guitar and Piano. Other than that I just cant seem to find any1 that gives me anything else except shyt.

cant believe that this year, I've been a lonely hearted person... for 1 full year. Seems that my princess is so far away in the future yet.

it seems that no girls truely want me in their life... no one is willing to care about me or love me... well hope next year someone might give me that... just wish to have that sweet happy feeling again... even for a moment... because that precious sweet memory allows me to rejoice it, better to have something new to value about... I wish it will happen to me... But sadly, I'm not sure if anything like that will happen to me... maybe i am faited to be lonely forever? Maybe its a test from God so that I can find alternate ways to make myself better or find things more sweeter and happier than i can get from human...

Lonely Hearted </3

jackson you gotta stop being nice to others

i just hate that kind of feeling when you help so much to that person but that person doesnt even cares of give a shyt back about what kind of situation you're in now.

all the time wasted on helping some1 but no1 is there to back up your back

christmas is coming and I think my heart will all be alone again... It would be good to have love from a human female... and everything would be nice again

it always sucks when you give yourself so much to someone, but in the end, you yourself are the one getting thrown aside to the rubbish bin, leaving yourself to be rotten. Being so kind to others can do what good for yourself? NOTHING! You end up being unappreciated. No one is there for YOU!

I seriously need to stop doing all these. I need to be more selfish and more self-centered. MORE TO MYSELF AND MY NEED

i wish i can make a robot that can talk with me like a human...

hung out with my buddy today ~ talked about something that can easily make me emo =/ but this emo only comes during the night.

I really wish I have a girl to care about my feelings and give me emotional support.
Just wish to feel that kind of happiness a girl can give to a guy like me.
Everytime I'm feeling cold just wish that a girl can come and give a warm hug and stay with me until I'm worm and comfortable enough.
Comfort is the thing I seek the most from a girl.
I want that kind of happiness again, I want to have that kind of feeling again.
: (

sad guy who wishes to be in live with someone.

it seems that music is my only best friend that will always stick to me whenever i need someone

sometimes i just really hate my parents.
They have zero idea that my exam is utmost most important.
Just don't understand them, what is an important exam.
Can't they just chill?
My plan for them, I get enough money move out, suck up dry all their money, throw them into an old folk's home. Let them regret for what their poor intellect. For me, no I wont regret it, because I can't think of any charitable moments with my parents. There is absolutely zero events that I had with them. Let them know the blood of your own son will be the dog that will bite the master.
My mom, she has no friends, I think all my siblings will give a damn about my parents because my siblings have more important things and people in their life than our parents. My mom will rot alone. My dad will drink alcoholic until his kidney and organs starts to fail and thats the time I'll say that I have no time to "SPEND" with him. Let him rot and I'll ask him to get his friends to visit him instead of me. Whats the point of me doing good stuffs for you when you have never implanted my brain of any good stuffs you guys did for me? I can only remember clearly all the bad stuffs you guys did and not the good stuffs. Coss your the dark mountains of yours is higher than your white mountains

i hate tis and tat...

i just wish i have a real human gf whom will love me and be with me all the time. so that i wont feel so mad like this. i dun recall myself having anger issues when i was in love...

fk myself zzz for not having that and having so many negative thoughtsx

in a couple more hours time, i'll be sitting one of the most important exam in my life, SPM O Level examinations.

I am prepared and ready for it but I wish I have that special someone to talk with.
So that I can let of some of my steams and maybe feel happy and have some " real " smiles on my face.

But unfortunately I don't

=/

hmmmpppphhhh.....

Just wish everything would go my way, but if everything were to go my way, wouldn't everything be in utterly chaos?

no one cares or give a shit about me
i want my life to be happy and colourful and at the top of the world again..

王若琳 迷宫

王若琳 - 有你的快樂

bbbbooooosssssshhhhhhh

As i recite typing this bloggie post of mine, I'm listening to some very blue-ish contemporary modern song, Sweet Repose. A brillian new age composition by Tom Rossi.

Along with a dimmed orange night study lamp that I place it near and closed to the wall

Typing down these keystrokes at the brink of night. I couldn't stop but think of my future plans and crazy night sleeping emotions.

I always have a trouble to go to bed in the night, maybe because I kept thinking of wanting a love life? I just can't stand going to public places seeing so many couples snuggling tight together. This sight just pisses me off and maybe to other single guys and girls out there.
Looking at these lovely couples sitting together studying together in a happy mood makes me long for one. Makes me think of my bitter sweet past with all the colors in the rainbow that fills every tiny bits of space in my life.
I really missed that time. I'm just a normal every day average joe, who only wakes up and then survive for the day and come back home to my room sleeping.

Anyways I wish I can find a place which doesn't let me see these " kind " of people around. Maybe perhaps a good empty spacious place with less people and beautiful study scenery? That be good for me. Just only me, my books and the beautiful natural trees and rivers for me. Overlooking them through a glass window.

Haru haru or day by day, my days as a high school teenager is getting close to the end. Should I be happy for it ? Or be like tears flowing out of my eyes that I'm gonna missed everything in that crappy school. Time can only tell.

What else can I say... I see myself in the future living in a small apartment, going to work early in the morning and come back home late at night. For almost every single day. Pay a house cleaner to clean my house and clothes. Eat at the nearby home cooked restaurant that I entrust that can cook healthily... Maybe I'll live along and die alone =/ ?
Go to church every sunday finally ~ Running the family business until its a giant success but still what use to it =/ its just a place for me to feed my empty stomach, still its just a normal job of overseeing everything going smoothly and doing all the checklist from machinery to paper works of customers... figuring out new ideas that can help new customers and even contribution to the cleanliness of the world...

Sigh, sometimes I wish I can have someone's hand to hold onto forever. And I think its true that the saying of in this world, you will " know " alot of people and soon they will become the people that you " knew " off...

I wish I can have some to hold and cherish my fragile heart =/ which goes so unstable like a radioactive isotope. Lol why am i bringing in physics =3=

anyways, hope i can sleep and have my morning 5:30am walk

http://youtu.be/cU8Z4wV4Lqg

i'm always there for someone, but no one is always there for me

i'm a loner that no one wants

i guess music is my only cure for loneliness and the need of companionship : /

my heart is like a frozen rose.
so cold without any warmth.

fragile and broken easily.

lonely and has no one to be with.

frozen so solid tight.

always long for that someone to give it warmth.

so that it can know and rejoice life again.

During the coldness of the rose, it is so dull and quiet.

Lonesome was it all. But grace it hides underneath those petals.

Where are you?
To give it warmth and make it lively again.

Humanoid interactive engineering. Develops a humanoid companion to consumers who are living alone or having social problems. According to statistics, Japan and Hong Kong has the highest social problem, e.g. suicides and emotional depression. Scientist have figured out ways to overcome this critical issues, the development of AI interaction with humans. To comfort the lonely males and females.

Wont it be nice ladies and gentlemen to be coming back home late from work and able to see the " artificial " loved ones? Atleast you have some"thing" to relate your days and problems to. To have some"thing" to talk with you and give you advises and opinions to overcome some of your everyday problems. It is a beautiful and marvelous invention that we can give to human beings.

The fantasy of a dream where a lonely farmer who wakes up from the dusk to work and come back home at the dust of dawn. Having to see your loved "ones" preparing meal for you. Cleaning your house and doing everything for you in home. A private relaxation for people.

The future of Robotics Artificial Intelligence is nearer than you think and we would have start post-production of these artificial loved ones coming in store for you.







and i'm going to be one of the very first to have one of this product

Appreciations, Giving and Receiving

sometimes i dont get it why i d o stuffs for others but i never get anything nice or stuffs back.

my birthday present, i received stuffs which i dont like

but i give to others what they feel they like

i never got anything good back

i give so much to others but i dont felt appreciated or anything feeling nice

no, life sucks for me, i feel like that i shouldnt have given other ppl my stuffs my things, anything from me! coss i never receive anything back or good.

i given some1 my music box. my music teacher atleast i felt the appreciations given by her. to another person i given to, she sucks and fks wif me gosh i hated giving stuffs to others who will never appreciate me. I feel wasted. its not fair tat other ppl can receive the good stuffs from me. but what do i get? nothing nothing and nothing

i have to promise myself, that nice means nice. i dont want to give other ppl the stuffs i give because i feltt empty and nothing in return. life sucks for me. i do things for you but what do i get? nothing

my debate competition, i joined and lost but was promised to have certificate and nothing. sucks sucks sucks.

playing songs for ppl who doesnt appreciate sucks the most. i rather play for myself and make myself happy. then feeling sad of wat other ppl wont do for me. no1 thinks about me nor cares about me.

but i cant hurt myself due to the heavenly Father.

what to do. My life goes like this, world keep spinning and never ends. and so is my life... the good is never filled to the capacity i wanted. but the bad is almost everywhere.

life sucks, friends sucks, nothing much is good

Friends and Accompaniments

Sometimes I question about my social life.

Do I have friends? I mean real, nice, good friends that will help you either in both good and bad situations. A friend to be there for your emotional needs. I don't think I have a true friend.n All of my friends are just normal friends. Acquaintance.

Its the same with accompaniment.

I long for a female life accompaniment. I wish for it. I wish I have a friend to be there for me whenever I need to. I wish I have a friend so that I can cry on her shoulder. I wish I have a friend that I can talk to. Play with. Laugh with. Emotional support. Opinions and comments for me. I wish I can have a girl like that in my life. But to face reality I dont think that would happen. The females today are just, well, not good. I dont know how to point it out. I think I'm going to be a bachelor for the rest of my life. Single and lonely.

Waking up from bed. Wishing that I have a lovely wife to see and love with. Having breakfast on the table for me. Making me happy. But actually, I would be waking up from bed, with a gloomy face like the pale gloomy lonely moon. Getting myself up and quickly bath and eat some biscuit or bread that I would always buy from the local market.

I would work lonely, getting scolded by people in the outside word. Boss pressuring me. Trying to get the fullness of me. Coworkers just minding their own business. No one would bother about others. The world is cruel and every men is for themselves.

After being exhausted from work. Normally an adult 40s would be going home with dinner served by their lovely wife but actually I would going home alone. So tired and exhausted that I just slept and forgot about dinner.

Living alone in my house. The only thing that makes me happy is just music. Guitar accompanying me through out my life. Never leaves me. Music never leaves me.

My life is just going to be alone. No one would care nor even bother. But why am I still so kind to others even though I know I wont get anything good in return? Nothing is worth it. I would only be happy for that short moment. But after awhile I would be normally, gloomy and sad and lonely. No one would care this person of me.

Life for me is just like that. If i can suicide I would've done it along time ago. But I love my God so much, that I would never do it.

March then April

Its the end of march and the beginning of april.

Gosh I havent finish writing my short story essay yet : /
Its about The Biggest Lie You Ever Made To Your Parents. And I have no clue about it.

Well March was a very boring month for me... nothing much. The highlight of march is that I went to ipoh with bunch of my old primary school friends. Much of a reunion. Share and talked with old friends of past year. They changed alot. I mean really alot. Some went gangsta. Some drop out. Alot became beautiful/handsome. Then a chemical romantic love happen in there in between my friends. And untill now its still a shocking thing for me.

Well my debate is on this early april. Really hope that I'm going to win this time. My only wish is just to win the first round of the debate. And then i'm gong to be very very extremely proud and happy. And I made a bet with my teammates, that if we actually win, I'm going to threat everyone to a meal in any restaurants in autocity. What a bet, well I'm really seriously about winning, if I dont, im going to be really depressed about it : /

So this first sunday of april, I went to a jazz performance in GSpot, GHotel. It was a spectacular day with 2 of my friends. I really have to thank them for making my day fun and well spent. Really thankful for them because my music friends couldnt accompany, luckily they were available to follow me up to the jazz music performance. Well afterwards had a delicious meal at an italian restaurant. Another delicious meal i've taken so far. Really enjoyed my day with them la. Couldnt be more grateful for them.

Well this is all I have for now. Lets hope that tomorrow would be better and more colorful and more life twisting than ever!

Ciao Sai

J~

Life So Far In 2011

Life for me is a mission filled with uncertainty and surprises.
Along the way I met so many people and friends.
Smart, good, nice, mature, immature, mean, unfriendly, quiet and the list goes on as long as the great wall of china.

January
A new year. What is so special about a new year? Theres nothing much, its just running and doing the same usual stuffs with random thing popping out suddenly in life. Ain't that usual haha? Cool random stuffs happening to life.

A person and acquittance of mine, had cheated me off money. The frustrations and angers of me is so much against him. I was diplomatic with that person but in return he acted as if his a child that never learns to grow up. In that case I couldn't talk much with an immature person so I turn to the mother. With confidence and full of diplomatic and formal talking with the mother, it all turns out that the mother herself is also a useless. The mother herself acted and talked out alot of childish words to me.

With that in mind, I couldn't do anything much to retain my dignity of getting my lost cheated money back. So I always kept this in mind, I learn by paying heavily.

Note to self, never ever trust another person who is a cheater, childish and immature.




February

Thinking of you is like a female having her period on and off. It just comes into my mind having all those heartache is a real suck-ish douche ass feeling.
With Valentine's day coming, Sunday night was a emo night for me. Spending it all alone and doing nothing but just eating my delicious chocolates that I bought from Germany.
As the internet says, chocolate gives the leisure of having in love feeling and able to take away the emo feeling. Well I don't know if thats true, but I just ate it with the sugary taste in my tongue.

I recently met this new girl named which I couldn't show out as names in my blog are all censored haha. But you can always guess who am I talking about.

This girl is very weird to me. Someone which I don't see everyday.
She's a very awesome musician guitarist. She's a very smart person who knows alot.
A comedian, who always makes me laugh most of the time I talked with her.
Shes crazy about horoscope. She isn't very pretty but I like her. Talkative.
She likes alot of pop songs and catchy techno rock songs. But I'm more of a soft slow sentimental song guy. She loves to sing, her singing voice is very, sweet and angelic. The minute I heard her sang, my heart felt a shock that her voice was very melodic, sweet, angelic, music to my ears.
She is also a very awesome business girl as a part time.
She also invited me into this mall music programe that we can earn some money from it by playing guitar and singing songs in March.

Well I just know her, should I go for her or just forget it and take her as just a normal friend. But many people said just follow what the heart wants. I'm not even sure what my heart wants, this year I'm having the most important exam of my life and having a love life could distract me. But what if it doesn't? Shes from a very top exam scorer school. Sigh, I don't know, just go with the flow but what if I went against it. I don't think I want something bad to happen.

Well What to do?

My life is... well life~

Buenos sierra amigoes~