alright.... neck pain but was saved by my most beloved angel :)

bored to this state, dont feel like studying but instead i'm wasting time aaaaaaaaa... well tats life folks :DDD

Well... I haven't been posting or writting for months already.

I've enrolled and started my course as a German-Pre U A-level Program for 22 months.
Hopefully, I can go through the challenges and successfully go to a German Facaschulle.

Met a lot of friends and most of them all are well, unique. And all of them are well academically trained people.

To my surprised, my school has quiet a number of christians. Which makes me feel comfortable talking about God and Jesus and the Bible.

Enjoy myself pretty much here. And I finally in a relationship hehe.

I love the feeling of having been woken up by someone whom you love to start your day off and also with the same person to end your day with her voice.

My life feels so sweet and nice :)

I hope that our love can go through all the obstacles ahead of us.
With you, my life feel so much colors now. I hope you wont leave me forever.

I fallen in love with you :)

We we out for a music night hehe and I think I gave her one of the best night ever.
We then went out for a movie where we hug and hold each other ^^
3rd date was going to random malls in KL with her hehe...

I wish we be with together more often, coss you make my life so full of love and smile

I dunno what will I do without your presence

it would be wonderful if i can find both an aesthetically pleasing and a beautiful hearted and caring and loving woman aaa... musically talented... can write and sing and play lulabies for my scary dark and cold nights~~~ dream on man!

sometimes i wonder, will i find someone who i really love and that person will love me just as much? so that my pain and sorrow can be ease by her. someone who can just talk to me when i needed someone the most...

Dicen que por las noches

They say that every night

no más se le iba en puro llorar;

he was wholly overtaken by tears;

dicen que no comía, no más se le iba en puro tomar.

They say he never ate, but only drank

Juran que el mismo cielo

They swear that even the heavens

se estremecía al oír su llanto,

trembled to hear his wail,

cómo sufrió por ella,

he suffered for her so,

que hasta en su muerte la fue llamando:

that even in death, he never stopped calling for her:

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay cantaba,

“Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay,” he sang,

ay, ay, ay, ay, ay gemía,

“Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay,” he howled,

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay cantaba,

“Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay,” he sang,

de pasión mortal moría.

tormented by a fatal passion.

Que una paloma triste, muy de mañana le va a cantar, a la casita sola

They say that in early morning a sad dove sings to the little empty house

con sus puertitas de par en par; juran que esa paloma

with its wide open little doors. They swear that the dove

no es otra cosa más que su alma,

is none other than his spirit,

que todavía espera a que regrese la desdichada.

hoping still for the return, of the ill-fated woman

Cucurrucucú paloma, cucurrucucú no llores.

“Coo… coo…” Dove, ”Coo… coo…” don’t weep.

Las piedras jamás, paloma, ¿qué van a saber de amores?

What will these stones ever know, little dove, of love?

Cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú,

“Coo… coo… coo… coo…

cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú,

“Coo… coo… coo… coo…

cucurrucucú, paloma, ya no le llores.

Little dove, do not weep anymore.

I send a thousand dove to search for you my love

In the spring, the northern doves return to me,

Cucurrucucú, Cucurrucucú,

We cannot find her in the north, please do not loose hope.

I send a thousand dove to search for you my love

In the summer, the southern doves return to me,

Cucurrucucú, Cucurrucucú,

We cannot find her in the south, please do not loose hope.

I send a thousand dove to search for you my love,

In the autumn, the western doves return to me,

Cucurrucucú, Cucurrucucú,

We cannot find her in the east, please do not loose hope.

I send a thousand dove to search for you my love,

In the winter, the eastern doves return to me,

Cucurrucucú, Cucurrucucú,

We have found her tears in frozen in ice,

And I cried.

I keep her tears as near to my heart so I can feel that I am closer to her than to myself

This must be one of the worst days in my life... gosh, such a bleak future I'm having...

Gaaa.... I hate myself so much right now... Because I keep on hurting myself and God... I'm just seperating my connection with him... I need Jesus to be by my side. But I think the staggering amount of sins I've done just seem to severe my connection with Him. Gosh... I feel so lost now... My college apparently gave me an offer letter to Diploma in Electronics which is not the subject I've chosen for, but it is the A Level Program that I wanted. I hope God can give me a small hope that it is an error that they have given to me. If God decides that I will not be accepted into the A Levels program, I shall strive to my another way. Sigh, I don't know what I want. And I don't know what to do. Can't just God tell me directly what is my path and what I should do?

I feel so angry that I can't overcome this sin, its like a drug and I think I extremely addicted to it. Gosh... Living is so hard. I wish I can just close my eyes and have the world stopping with me.

If I can't go into the A Level Program, then I have to study it in my hometown then. Though there are benefits and problems, therefore there is balance haizzz....

http://youtu.be/mDfKJXaoFrM

I like the stars when they're shining
but I fancy them more near to you
cause after a long day of crying out the blues
darling it's just you I adore, for

Minutes they turn into hours
and worries they all are subdued 
and nothing else matters
but being slow and still underneath the light of the moon

I can't make the time go faster
the week it feels so long alone
so when I find myself tucked away in bed
I wish upon a star to dream with you instead, cause

I like the feel of dancing
but I fancy it more with you
cause there's nothing as lovely
than your whisper in my ear
you're looking great my dear
now lets get out of here...

i wish.... one day I will have a phone call from you....

hate the feelings when I dont feel appreciated....

thank you for giving me such a happy memory.... so that whenever i feel sad.... i have something to remember that can make me happy.... i can cuddle with myself thinking that you were with me... making me smile and trying to cover as much bitterness in my heart as you can with the memories you given to me

我很想她....谁都不要就是要在跟你在一起...个是你已经是一个梦里的人了...很想要回去那一段时间...如果有机会跟你在一起多一次...我一定会做个跟加好...

suddenly i remember about you..... i think you are the only person in the world that can make me LIKE the things I hate =.=''

like last time.... i used to hate chinese.... but you made me learn chinese

I used to hate chinese songs.... but you made me like some of your favorite and from one of those songs that can still shed a tear from me coss its your fav...

I used to hate chinese drama shows.... but you shared your favorite and I even tried to catch up to the latest episode so that I can talk with you about it.....

haizzz.... how i wish i can relive those moments back again =.='' stupid post.....

FK!!!! FK YOU FK YOU DK YOU!!!!!! ASSHOLE SHYT ASFKJFDSKJBSFAY@Y(*@$IUdfkljbsdfkgfkljljkdgsds89y42121111111111111

FK *(U@$!Ofdigsdah;sddsfjkfdsbjklGRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!!!!!

tomorrow i wanna attend a very well known talk but I HAVE CLASS SHYT!!!!!!!!

sometimes.... i think if i wanna get a local gf here.... dun think any1 wants... for realistic purpose... who would want to have a bf whose going to leaver her in a couple of months right? So.... I think I'm just gonna continue to be a single hearted guy for a very long time.... Well I think in the future I will have everything except a person to carry my heart around with me... well its a good deal though.... money, friends, faithful to my Lord and most importantly i have more time.... and i can easily make myself busy and free

I wish I can have a chance with you :/ it would be really nice for me... but it seems everytime I'm just dally around and you never show up... and even when you show up you seem not to care very much of me nor give me the full attention I needed haizz.... maybe I should sigh out loud and just be whitish and blank and do my everyday routine without getting the happiness that I really desire very much for.... I wish you can treat me the way you treat me before >.< I know you gave that kind of happiness before I just hope that you could give me that again aaa.... well watever just be my old boring coldless self

Falling In Love In a Coffeeshop

Song of the week or even month for me hahaha

It's been awhile since I wrote this dusty tearful and angry diary of mine... Well I believe that this section of my diary wont be filled in with so much pain.

Part 1

Lets start of with a girl whom I'm trying to love. But it seems it is hard for me to love someone when my heart doesn't wants to but my mind wants to. I spent quiet a lot of my time to try to be in love with that girl but it seems that none of any of my parts of my body is attracted to her, both physically and spiritually.

But in a positive side, that girl seem to be able finally to accept what reality is. Which is that she finally know that it is nearly impossible to steal this boy's heart no matter what I do. And it actually saddens me that me myself, am unable to give my heart to her. But ever since that girl's birthday I felt that I was doing something mean to her which is alienating her. I do not know why and I asked myself sometimes, why is it that whenever she sends me a text message I felt nothing towards it and theres not even the slightest interest to slide my phone and text her back.

I hope the time I spent with her do really open up her eye to how this world spins. I hope that I did really finally release her. Why? I believe that this girl has been in love with me for so many years even when she was in love with someone else but part of her was still into me. Finally when she got the chance to be with me, to be able to try to capture my heart. Her life to me, it seem, she was very elated while she was with me.

But, BUT, why do I always feel lackadaisical to even reply her message :/ ? I can't even answer myself that question =3=''

I hope that she

Part 2

Hallelujah!!!

I'm finally in the temple of worship :) I'm finally be able to listen to sermons and be under and with other christian brothers and sisters ^_^

I have to thank this elder friend of mine :) I really have to thank alot for you have bringing me to a church where I feel accepted and welcomed warmfully. Not only I have to thank them. I HAVE TO THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU GOD FOR FINALLY PUTTING ME IN A TEMPLE OF YOUR BODY! Thank you thank you Lord. Although through many hardships and painful sins I have inflicted upon you, I am very sorry and I repent my sins and pray for forgiveness. Though I am a sinner, I will serve my Lord for all eternity. I pray for my Lord to help me to stay away from sin and to help me and even SCREAM at my ears to help me to stop myself from sinning.

My Lord, although I have sinful thoughts everyday but I do not see more further outward. I will try to see my horizon rather the circle which I drawn myself in and see what is only infront me. I pray that with the Lord's help I will be able to see more clearly and to think more clearly and wisely like thy Son, Lord Jesus Christ.

I hope I wont have much anger and hatred any more, I really do, I wish I can lower it down until there is none in me. Although I may not have people around me physically. But in spiritually, I will never be alone as Lord is always with me. I have to keep that in mind.

Part 3

Music :)

 Like what the girl whom I used to really like and never had the chance to have a relationship always
said,: "Bread is the food that satisfy our stomach but music is the food that always satisfy the stomach of our soul.

Finally I had the chance to atleast do a music jamming with other musicians ^_^ it feels good and awesome that I am a part of a group that needs every1's support to be able to mix and bake melodies, rhythm and harmony. Thus, music is made!

Had a lot of great time with my friends :)
Hope I can be involve in this activity more in the future teehee =)

So far, I have thought 1 person to play guitar :) and that person gave me a present which is a book about music appreciation and its really handy ^_^

I wish I can gather enuff hardworking spirit in me to play my piano again >.<
Been like ages since I touched my piano :/

Part 4

Well, it seems that everything is happening I'm gonna go to a university in a far away place :/

Donno will going there far away will change everything that is to me, I hope I will stay intact and be able to absorb and learn as much as I can about how this world revolt.

I still do not know if I do really like this girl who is like a thousand kilometers from where I am at the west side of malaysia ~ hmmmm.... Should I really go into a long distance relationship? But it seems that she has like zero interest in me.... And I seem to throw quiet a lot of my time at her hahaha~ well trust in the Lord, He got hurt more than I can accumulate in this lifetime of mine. What to do, I'm gonna be fatalistic and let God decide what happens next in this chest game.

Hmmmm..... My jie, she deciphered me that I'm surrounded by many people who love me :) example, my jie and another recently appointed jie who is abit more older than my jie who is farrrr away lol haha... Who else dearly loved me hmmm, my so called fake daddy and mommy xD? my lovely teachers :) hehe and finally, my parents! But lets not forget, MY GOD, MY LORD, JESUS :)!

Finally a blog with bunch of smileys hahahahaha

Part 5

Songs to check out!

Modern Nature by Sonndre Lecher, Covered by my youtube friend, Daniella and her friends :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBSsESMhbo4&feature=relmfu

Falling In Love In a Coffeeshop by Landon Pigg, Covered by my prettyyyy youtube friend, D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZcJRw5Gs88&feature=g-u-u&context=G21dff5aFUAAAAAAAMAA

Bizzare Love Triangle by New World Order, Covered by my 1 of my fav singers, Ah Fu!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvo_AzKpaYI

Just To See You by Matthew Santos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcuApRwl6xI

you guys should really read this

 I walked from Burbank Just to see you. They are gone, It has passed, Roses dropped On the past. I walked from Burbank Just to see you. One last time, As it ends, As it fades, As this world Falls from grace. Waters rise, It’s too late, Hold me love, Is this our fate? 

When She Loved Me by Sarah Maclahlon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrfoEAzwHdI

one of the songs that can make me cry T^T

hahaha thats it!

what a bumpy fun start with the year 2012 !

January it seems a very interesting head start month !

Seen a lot of weird and smart and interesting people in my workplace. Sold bunch of equipment and instruments. Feeling good being a capable salesman selling stuffs haha :D!

I just gotta further improve my english level for my SAT and TOEFL exam if I wanna continue my studies overseas in America. Sad case when I discovered that my english level capacity is extremely low compared to the standards there. Plus common sense and common knowledge, these two things which I'm still struggling to interpret into my lifestyle and the way I approach to things. In the SAT, all the questions are mainly based on CRITICAL THINKING. Which, the United States education wants to train really good thinking people rather than memorizing the entire textbook. I believe that the american education system wants students to UNDERSTAND rather than memorizing every line in the textbook and copying it in the exam which is very very wrong. And unfortunately, this is what going on in the Malaysian education system.

Common sense and common knowledge and also critical thinking, very very important soft skills that is needed if we want to step out in the outside world.

Topic change!

I've been spending a lot of time with this very very lovely and sweet girl. But, what but? I likey that her a lot :3 even though shes not everything I wanted but shes always there to talk with me. Therefore I wont have the feeling of loneliness anymore. And I like people hearing me play ^_^ Aaaaa what am I saying, to fall in love with someone its not all about the cover aspect, is all about the heart. So what is my heart telling me, " I need someone to comfort this fragile life of mine ", said Heart. Yar I'm too sensitive. I'm sensitive as in, people's word or action can sometimes travel deeply into my core. But I wont show it on my face, I just keep it and mourn over it so that I can make myself believe that I moved on and forget about the past.

I think having the chance to be in love again, I wont feel very much broken and fragile and dull anymore. It'll make me more energetic, I think. But yet again I dont know what the future holds for me. If I wont have the chance to be in love, so be it. I'll walk on the lonely road as ever. But if I do have the change to be in love, I'll cherish it in my heart.

wah lao eh =3= for the first time, a happy post hahahahahahaha :')

i like driving fastly and drive forever coss it takes off my mind from anything that im thinking... i wanna get myself hung over with alcohol so that i can sleep easily.... i just wanna go to work and come back home tired with alcohol... then sleep without thinking... just existing... repeat all these over and over again so that i wont feel anything

yey, no1 gives a shit about me

i want and wish to have real ppl caring about me : /

emo emo emo emo emoooo

it seems i think im gonna be single and alone for my young adulthood ~ maybe even until forever ~~~ well sucks for everything haizzzzzzz it be good to have a coming back home feeling but i dun~~~ its always tired, computer, music, bath, eat and sleep... nothing else... my life is just living for existence not for something, my life has nothing much in it.... its so empty

:'(

I hope my friend wont loose her eye sight... I will be so unforgiving of myself that I never reminded her not to rub/scratch her eyes... I have a feeling that part of her problem is my fault. Coss I do observe her a lot, she keep scratching her eyes when shes tired, I should've reminded her not to. But im the foolish and stupid one. The thought of scratching eye is okay to me but I never realise the true effect of it... God help my friend that after her surgery that she would be ok again :'(

Worried friend

there is this person whom i do not like. I helped that person a lot and spent and used a lot of resources to that person.

After such a long time, I think that person has abandoned and forgotten me.

Not even a message of how have you been?
Happy New Year! Merry Christmas !

I never received a single message from that person.

So I decided that I'm just going to keep quiet to that person until that person talks to me. For the mean time. I promised myself that I'm going to be less sad/emo and therefore not going to think a lot of bad stuffs.

If that person is treating me like this, so why should I still waste some more time on that person by thinking about it? I'm just going to move on and forget that ass